


Turnabout

by Soul Sistah Slash (Batagur)



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-02
Updated: 2006-06-02
Packaged: 2017-10-11 07:57:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/110155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batagur/pseuds/Soul%20Sistah%20Slash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alien technology backfires and Rodney learns how the other half lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day One

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to my betas amazonx and majilique

"Tupý, tupý, tvrdohlavy člověk! I told him," Zelenka exclaimed in his almost prevalent state of agitation, "but he never listens to me. Now, he is stuck." He gestured sharply at the Wraith transport device while growling a steady stream of Czech curses.

"What was he doing?" Elizabeth asked in a calming voice. She laid a hand on Zelenka's shoulder to help focus the harried man.

Radek Zelenka took a deep breath, looking about at the anticipating faces in the lab. He started slowly and carefully to explain as best he could, what insanity Rodney McKay had gotten himself into now.

"As you know, the Wraith are a hive society with inclusive fitness, not unlike bees or ants. Unlike the insects, they do not rely on 'royal jellies' or special pheromones to produce different classes of individuals. Apparently, they have learned to utilize the technology they have for those functions.

"In essence, they have found a way to use their transporters to alter individuals genetically on a molecular level. We believe that they have perfected this process so well that they have even practiced it on the human stock they carry on their ships."

Col. Sheppard frowned at Zelenka. "Why would they want to do that?"

"Breeding purposes. Livestock is only maximized if it is bred." Radek replied flatly.

"What did Rodney do?" Elizabeth's voice was clearly colored with concern.

"He turned that damn thing on himself on some wacky setting, didn't he!" Sheppard said irritably when Radek did not answer right away.

However, before Radek could reply, Carson Beckett arrived. "Where is he?" he asked in the sort of exasperated tone one hears from a person who expects the same sort of trouble from the same source over and over again.

Radek pointed at the hunk of damaged yet still functioning Wraith machinery. "In there."

"Bullocks."  
~*~

"I'm not quite sure what he did," Radek said looking about at the anxious faces present in the conference room. "But I am concerned that to just re-materialize him without understanding what the gene altering process can do… He seemed sure that it was reversible, but I am not so certain."

"Can you take him out of there unaltered?" Elizabeth asked.

"I'm afraid not," Radek said with a shake of his head that sent his shaggy hair forward and into his eyes. "The matrix was set as he entered the beam. If I alter it mid-stream, I'm not sure what that could do to him on a molecular level."

"Can you just take him out?" Sheppard asked.

"Yes," Radek said. "Yes, I think we can do that. I just cannot guarantee that it will be the same Rodney that went in."

"One thing at a time, Radek," Elizabeth said. "Let's just get him out of there. Carson, I suspect we will need a bed free in the infirmary."

"Rodney has his own private suite already on reserve." Carson gave a rueful smile.  
~*~

Powering up the piece of Wraith technology was never easy. It worked on a different ampere and was easily overloaded. It was worse than a 110 plug in a 220 socket. Radek didn't fall to the impulse to hurry the job. A mistake now could cost Atlantis the life of one of its best scientist. Radek did not want to be responsible for that. No, if Rodney McKay died, it would be from his own damn egotism.

Also, Radek hated working with an audience, but that is what he had. Damn McKay anyway! Here he was again, pulling that paličatý jerk's ass out of the fire while under a microscope. Radek looked over his shoulder at the small crowd gathered at his back. He could understand why Dr. Weir would be there and Dr. Beckett, of course, but were Col. Sheppard and Col. Caldwell really necessary? How about Ronan Dex? With the way he glared and shifted on his feet, the big warrior only made Radek nervous.

Too many people. Just too many. Radek muttered a curse in Czech.

"Hey there, watch your mouth… and focus." Sheppard looked concerned. He really was picking up more Czech. Too bad it was mostly swear words.

Tweaking the power was a very tedious process. Radek was just grateful that over the past few weeks he had become much more proficient at it with all the practice. The wraith module sputtered to life and Radek backed away cautiously.

"It is just about ready," Radek reported over his shoulder. "We should give it a minute to make sure the power will not unexpectedly surge."

"Has that been a problem?" Col. Caldwell glared down at Radek, and he resisted the urge bristle. He hated when people who knew nothing of his work questioned even the smallest thing, but he knew that the Colonel was just concerned. They all were.

"The Wraith machinery is not meant to run on Atlantean standard power amperes. We have to be very careful about the current we send into the machine's mother board." Radek turned back to his data. The readings were holding steady. "It's ready."

"Go ahead," Elizabeth said softly.

The bright white of the Wraith transport beam always made Radek flinch, even when he was in control of it. The air of the room filled with the telltale ozone smell after the flash. Radek looked at the grounding board, unsure of what he would find. What he saw collapsed in a senseless heap almost immediately.

"Whoa!"

Radek didn't dare look again. The exclamation came from Col. Sheppard who stared with round eyes and a slack jaw. Dr. Weir and Dr. Beckett were immediately in motion, rushing to the side of their fallen colleague.

"My God!"

It was Elizabeth Weir's shocked exclamation that finally caused Radek to look.

The person on the floor was wearing the last thing he had seen Rodney McKay in: a dark blue shirt and dark utility slacks, the kind they all wore while working. The clothing was far looser on this smaller figure. The person laying unconscious at Dr. Beckett and Dr. Weir's feet had short, dishwater blond hair and an angular/oval face. Something about her was very familiar.

It definitely was a she. Radek could see the swell of breast beneath the loose fabric of the blue shirt. The body was female, not as trim as, say, Teyla's but certainly not bad. The face, slack in its insensible state, was not beautiful, but could have been pretty if given make-up and whatever accouterments women used to enhance themselves. Nevertheless, it was very familiar.

"Rodney?"

Radek swallowed hard as he watched. Dr. Beckett was trying to help the woman rouse from her stupor. It couldn't be. Could it?

"Rodney?" Elizabeth said gently to the woman, and the woman looked up and over at Weir. The woman was obviously dazed. She opened her mouth to talk. There was just something about how her mouth shaped when she tried to form words.

"Rodney!" The woman fell unconscious again, slumping against Beckett.

"Oh my God…" Radek hadn't realized he had spoken out loud. "Rodney's a girl."  
~*~

Sheppard had once called Carson's bedside manner his 'game face.' Certainly, Carson had learned early on how to look as compassionate and concerned as possible to ease his patients' fears. Nonetheless, there was just something about Rodney that screwed with his ability to successfully wear the 'game face.' But, then again, there was something about Rodney McKay that screwed with everybody's 'game face.'

This, however, was a horse of another color. The person lying in the bed before him was not the Rodney McKay he was use to, but it was some form of Rodney McKay. The blood and DNA samples suggested that it was as close to Rodney McKay as one creature could get. There were a few minor variations.

"Ugh!" She was waking again. Carson tried to school his features so as not to alarm her.

"…feel strange…"

"I wouldn't doubt it," Carson replied.

"Carson?" She tried to clear her throat. "I sound weird."

"Don't try to talk too much," Carson suggested.

Rodney's eyes gave him that intense, suspicious stare that Carson recognized so very well. Even as she was, there was something about her that was just so essentially 'Rodney' that nothing could alter the effect.

"You've got that 'deer-in-the-headlights' look I hate so much, Carson…. I sound wrong!"

"Just stay calm, Rodney." Carson winced as the words came out of his own mouth and he mentally kicked himself. That phrase would undoubtedly be Rodney's cue to panic. Carson knew he should have known better by now.

"What! What? Carson?" When she gestured she caught sight of her own hands. Carson cringed as he saw the horror fill Rodney's eyes. "Oh my God, Carson…"

"Zelenka is working…."

"OH MY GOD!"

"Rodney, there's no good in workin' ye self all up…"

"Mirror, mirror! Now-now-now-now!" The panic was clearly overwhelming. Rodney's face grew flushed, and her breathing was becoming shallow and rapid. Carson motioned to a PA to bring a mirror, and a sedative.

The PA returned promptly bearing both mirror and shot.

"Now, Rodney," Carson said in a soothing, reasonable tone. "I'll only let ye have the mirror if ye'll take this shot without aina hassle."

"Yes, yes, of course!" Rodney stuck out her arm and turned her head to the side, screwing her eyes shut in preparation. Carson knew that Rodney hated shots. The little 'shot face' had always been somewhat endearing to Carson, but seeing it on this feminine version of Rodney was a tad bit different. Carson hadn't noticed before how cute Rodney's nose was when she scrunched it up like that.

"There," Carson couldn't suppress a smile as Rodney turned to look at him in disbelief.

"I hardly felt it," she said in open confusion.

"It could be that your tolerance for pain has increased." Carson replied. He then passed over the mirror.

Rodney grabbed the mirror, looking in the glass with evident shock and disdain in her expression. "I look like an ugly version of my sister..."

"You're not all that bad lookin'." It was the only thing Carson could think of to say to console his colleague. It sounded awkward coming out and Carson immediately felt embarrassed by the comment. Rodney gave him a scathing glare that was doubly effective on her newly feminine face.

"Sorry."

"How are you feeling, Rodney?" Elizabeth's appearance at the bedside startled both patient and doctor. Rodney dropped the mirror to her lap as if he had been caught doing something nefarious.

"Obviously, I'm not feeling myself," she replied.

"I can see," Elizabeth said politely.

There was silence for longer than was normal. Carson looked from Elizabeth to Rodney.

"Aren't you going to yell at me about unauthorized experiments?" Rodney asked calmly.

Elizabeth shook her head. "No, Rodney. I don't need to this time. I think you've learned a lesson today."

Rodney's chin came up in defiance, and Carson had to work hard as not grinning at how cute the gesture looked.

"How do you know?" Rodney asked stiffly.

Elizabeth's eyebrow raised, but it was obvious that she was amused. "Rodney, you're a instant girl. I think that in and of itself should be sobering experience. I know it isn't what you expected."

Rodney shook her head. "It wasn't what I expected at all… Look, Elizabeth, I wasn't even supposed to get caught in the stream. I was trying to run an analysis of the particle field… I didn't expect it to… expand like it did. I got caught in it purely by accident."

"Aye, hellava industrial accident," Carson murmured.

"You're a real comfort!" Rodney snapped back at Carson, her eyes narrowing ominously.

"Well look who's up and bitching," Col. Sheppard strode into the room and Rodney's eyes immediately went into an exaggerated roll that Carson found too cute to resist. He broke down into an insistent giggle.

"I'm… I'm sorry, Rodney!" he said between half choked chuckles. "I…"

"For God sake!" Rodney exclaimed. Even Elizabeth was chuckling a bit now. "Okay, everyone, get a nice good laugh at my expense."

"Sorry, Rodney," Sheppard said with a pleasant smile. "It's not everyday we can literally watch you get your panties in a twist."

There was a short burst of intense snickering then the three managed to get themselves under control.

"Great," Rodney said angrily. "Fine. Laugh it up. I get my DNA hijacked and it's the best damn joke on Atlantis. Fine, but I have to get back to work." Rodney began to push the bed covers aside.

"What? Wait right there, lassie!" Carson exclaimed and then watched as Rodney turned an icy stare on him.

"You called me lassie?"

"Sorry, Rodney. Sort of a habit. I'll try to put a curve on it," he said but he did manage to get Rodney to stop his egress from the bed. Carson pulled the covers back into place. "Ye just had a bad shock, and I gave you a fairly strong sedative. Ye should be feelin' it soon. Ye're not movin' from this bed."

"Carson!" Rodney whined inelegantly. "The sooner I get back to the lab, the sooner I can get back to work on this and get back to normal…"

"It'll wait, Rodney. Rest now."

**Three days later**

Radek took another deep breath and remembered this was why most of the other astrophysicists and engineers spent time doing Yoga.

"It would not be safe."

"We have a nothing else to go on."

"We have no idea how the beam re-alters the molecules to conform to its new matrix."

"It's simple…"

"No it isn't, Rodney!" He shocked himself when he looked into her eyes. He heard the female voice, but it never struck him what had happened until he looked at her; only then he remembered.

It had been three days. The first two, Radek had spent relatively stress free while Rodney remanded confined to the infirmary. During that time, he had had plenty of opportunity to run more tests on the wraith beam. The beam itself was only a precursor for the transformation. The matrix actually existed within the containment module. Without more tests, they couldn't be sure if they would turn Rodney back to himself or into a Wraith legion, or even a Wraith queen.

"It would be foolish to risk you on a guess," Radek said in a much more calm voice.

"It's not a guess. Look, I know that the power input was a little off that last go-round, but I have an idea why. The matrix has several preset patterns."

"That much we have figured out, Rodney." Radek said, stopping Rodney's intense flow of words. "Until we understand the technology better, we have no clue which pattern is the right pattern to restore you."

"All we need to do is examine the input beam again. I swear, Radek…"

"No!" Radek said firmly.

Rodney was silent, looking at him with wide eyes and a trembling mouth. Radek wasn't sure what was about to happen next. Rodney looked as if she might cry. But Rodney didn't cry. Her mouth closed, lips pressed tight together.

"Right," she said, her chin lifting. "Fine. More professional jealousy? Hm? Knock me out of the way to become lead scientist?"

"Rodney, you know that's not true."

"Do I?"

"Your being a girl does not impair your ability to perform as an astrophysicist." Radek sighed. "However, in your current agitated state, I do not believe you are thinking this problem through clearly. Give us a few more days."

Radek sighed again as McKay stormed away. That had to be the easiest argument he had ever had with McKay, and yet it was still exhausting.

~*~  
One week later.

Kate Heightmeyer had seen Rodney McKay in her office so many times before, and each time had proven to be a new adventure in psychology. The ingenious but neurotic man had faced so many personal demons over these past eighteen months that, Dr. Heightmeyer was sure that her write-up on his case history could win her a Psychological Association's Distinguished Scientific Contribution Award.

Dr. Heightmeyer thought she had hit the apex with McKay when he had found himself hosting another consciousness in his head. It had been a tandem experience, nothing like the complete mind control of the Goa'uld. It was unique and intense, and Heightmeyer had doubted that her favorite neurotic astrophysicist could top the experience…. Until now.

Now, Heightmeyer was looking into the same pair of shifting, nervous, wide-set eyes set in a feminine face. This was Rodney McKay, this fidgety, jumpy woman with short brown hair. One leg bounced with nervous energy while her hands clenched and relaxed on the seat's armrest. Still a classic type A personality, destined for stress induced hypertension and heart disease, Rodney the woman looked at Heightmeyer pensively.

"You know, I shouldn't worry about it but I do. What if I never get back to how I was?"

"It's a valid concern, Rodney," Kate replied. "How do you feel about it?"

Rodney blinked. "Horrible… I mean, no offense to women, but I kind of was use to being a man. I wasn't the best looking guy around, but the look worked better on a man. I was fairly decent, as men go."

"I can only imagine it has thrown your self-image a bit." Kate said, smiling and observed the classic Rodney sigh of exasperation emitted from the woman. Every little nuance of expression was so very Rodney that sometimes Heightmeyer forgot she was talking to an altered man.

"Is there something you fear about being a woman?" Kate asked.

"Yes!" Rodney nearly shouted. "Everything!" She shifted in her seat, leaning forward. "I don't know how to do this. Most women have had the luxury of growing up with all the body parts and socialization that goes with it. Other than having been accused of being a lily-handed academic, I'm not very qualified to be a woman.

"I mean really. For the first time in my life I feel really vulnerable. I'm trapped in a shell that is very different from the one I'd grown quite fond of. I'm afraid to look at myself in the shower. I have… I have … Boobies…."

"What about being a woman makes you feel vulnerable?"

"It's not like that," Rodney began. "I mean, I don't feel like I'm less. I just don't feel right."

"It's only been a week. In time, maybe you will adjust?"

"I'd like to believe that I won't have too," Rodney replied grimly.

Kate nodded.

**Three weeks later**

Dr. McKay had sought her out after their team had returned from a simple trade mission. She knew the proud scientist would feel slighted that Col. Sheppard had deemed it necessary to leave her behind. It was not meant as an insult but a precaution. The Yeamites were a simple people. They had visited them before. Col. Sheppard didn't wish to "freak them out," as he put it, when they returned with a member of their team so drastically altered. They had thought about making excuses. They had suggested calling Dr. McKay the twin sister of the person the Yeamite council met and greeted before. In the end, they decided that the easiest thing was to just not include the scientist on such a simple mission.

Of course, Dr. McKay felt slighted. Teyla Emmagan expected McKay to approach her in indigence. Instead, she was taken off guard when McKay approached her somewhat contritely.

"Please, teach me to defend myself?"

That had been two weeks ago. Now Rodney McKay was her most intense pupil, coming four times a week and practicing hard. She insisted upon perfection from herself, a drive not uncommon from the old McKay. Teyla often found herself having to stop McKay from hurting herself in trying.

"Block. Block. Sweep. Block. Remember, your center of gravity has changed."

McKay accepted her instruction without question. The normally petulant and querulous individual was put away during practice. The intensity that must have marked McKay as a student of science came forth here on the practice floor. She was here to learn an art.

"Turn. Reverse. Block. Hit. You cannot rely on strength. Your opponent may be stronger than you. You can only rely on momentum, your momentum, your opponent's momentum."

Teyla never questioned why Rodney came to her. She never wondered what motivated the scientist, who, as a man, never thought it was necessary to sully himself with hand-to-hand techniques. Teyla understood the concerns of being a woman in a hostile galaxy. She could only imagine that the good Dr. McKay had come to realize those concerns as well. Although, Teyla could have told him that the concerns were just as real for him as a man as it was now for her as a woman.

"Forward. Keep advancing. Push your hip into the block. Your strength is no longer centered in your chest. It is in your hips and legs."

However, Teyla never worried that McKay would find a way out of this mess she currently found herself in. She always managed to find her way out.

"Stop! Enough for now," Teyla smiled. "Let us cool down."

Cool down was good. Rodney became her normal acrimonious self and complained the entire time. Teyla had not known how much she had grown endeared with McKay's grumping until now.

"OW! Now you're trying to kill me? I don't know about you, but my body was not meant to bend that way."

They were doing tandem stretching, Teyla holding Rodney's hands and pulling her forward while anchoring her legs in an extension. Teyla ignored McKay's complaint and gently pulled her a little further.

"I'm being pulled apart like wishbone! And to top it off, I feel terrible! I thought exercise was supposed to be this magic curative. Well, let me tell you, I feel like crap. Ow!"

"Give it time, Dr. McKay," Teyla looked up at her with a fond smile. "You are getting use to your new form. I can see it in the way you move."

"Ugh! I hope not."

Teyla laughed and reversed the stretch. It was then that she caught a glimpse of spreading dark red across the crotch of Dr. McKay's pants.

"I think I know why you do not feel well," Teyla said gently.  
~*~

Five weeks

"I don't want the rest of my life's work to be about trying to reverse this."

Kate Heightmeyer nodded at Rodney's statement. Progress on the Wraith beam had been slow and they have had two very close calls with the power. Under the circumstances, after the initial panic, Rodney had been dealing with her current situation far better than previous ones. Kate wasn't sure what that meant totally. She knew that she was not resigned to her fate as a woman, and yet there was a near acceptance of the situation that Kate saw reflected in her eyes as she made that last statement.

"Maybe you need a break from it," Kate suggested softly. "Step back and get your bearings. Then you can approach it with a fresh perspective."

Rodney didn't answer. She seemed deep in thought, and Kate knew it was the first time she had ever seen Dr. Rodney McKay at a loss for words.

**Five weeks and three days**

"All done, Love." Carson wasn't paying attention again and he earned another icy stare from Rodney.

"Sorry."

Rodney turned away from him to grab her jacket. Carson couldn't help that his eye wandered down his colleague's form. Rodney was not a bad looking woman at all and since she had taken up physical conditioning with Teyla, she was gaining a shape worthy of male admiration.

Firm and strong, Rodney was a sturdy looking woman. Carson could see more and more how very much her face had remained basically the same. There was only a softening and a rounding to the features. Rodney's expressive mouth fit far better on the female version. Her lips were slightly fuller and pinker to really highlight their shapeliness.

"You're gawking."

"Sorry," Carson turned away feeling more than a little flustered.

"Don't be. I'm really getting use to being the town oddity," Rodney turned to face Carson, pulling his jacket on.

"Ye shouldn't think of yerself that way."

"Carson, don't try to feed me the professional sympathy. I don't need it right now," Rodney came back with that old familiar hostile edge to her voice. "What I need right now is for everyone to get out of my way so I can get that stupid piece of Wraith junk to spit back out my old body… and I would appreciate it if every one held off on the sympathy until I have decided that this is the way I'm gonna stay."

"Then it has crossed ye mind."

"Of course it has!" Rodney snapped but then stopped. She seemed to pull herself together with a deep sigh. "I know you are concerned. I appreciate that, really. I just wish everyone would stop treating me as if I became a cripple. I'm a woman. As far as I can tell, I'm still an able-bodied human being."

"So far, the test don't contradict that," Carson agreed.

"Great. You can tell that to Sheppard and Elizabeth. They seem to be worried I might break a nail out in the field."

Carson couldn't hold back the chuckle. "Rodney."

McKay gave an exasperated huff. "Not taking me seriously again," she muttered with extreme vexation.

"Nay, that's not it, truly," Carson said, still smiling. "We take ye very seriously… so much so that we tend to hold ye as a commodity. It's true. Ask Elizabeth."  
~*~

"If you are not one hundred percent, Rodney, we would prefer not to risk you." Elizabeth Weir had long since lost her grasp on the humor of Rodney McKay's situation. What she saw sitting before her was a melancholy woman, confused and agitated, not understanding why her world had changed so drastically over one small mistake.

"I'm fine, Elizabeth." Rodney replied. It was clear she was trying to keep her voice calm and reasonable. "I need to get back to work… and when I say work, I don't just mean puttering about the lab with Zelenka and friends trying to fit a Wraith peg into an Ancient's hole."

"You're not one hundred percent, Rodney," Sheppard said simply and Elizabeth had to admire the way John could convey the same words and sentiments and not make it sound like a slight. He had a tone he took with Rodney that seemed to break through to the reasonable side of the man… um, woman. "And I think you know what Elizabeth means when she says that we prefer not to risk you."

"Yes, I understand and I am flattered." Rodney didn't look flattered to Elizabeth. "But I'm fine… in fact, I don't think I'll get any better."

There was silence as Elizabeth let Rodney's own words sink into everyone present, including Rodney.

"Rodney," Sheppard broke the silence. "You realize you just admitted you may stay this way?"

Rodney looked over at John, anger coloring his fair cheeks. "Just because I'm a woman, doesn't make me unfit for duty. Elizabeth, are you just going to sit there and back this sexist view?"

"It's not about being a woman, Rodney," Elizabeth said firmly. "It's about having your body go through a drastic change on a molecular level. At present we are still looking at all the consequences this is having on you and may still have if we can't get you back to how you were."

"Carson says that I'm fine…"

"No," Elizabeth corrected. "Carson says the tests are not conclusive. There is a difference, Rodney."

Rodney stopped herself and bit her lip.

"Look, We'll get a better handle on all this in a few more days, right?" Sheppard said. "Until then, we don't have any missions planned. Let's just take it as it comes. The truth be told, doc, if I had to face a situation that required someone who could do a little cut-n-run engineering and think on his feet, you would be my first choice."

Elizabeth couldn't have handled it better. John's answer appeased Rodney and yet still did not promise anything. Elizabeth just hoped a better answer was forthcoming. Until then, she would have to rely on John to continue to play for time with their temperamental chief scientist.

**Eight weeks**

It was the two-month observance of the day PMS made Rodney McKay even more unbearable as a human being. Radek had not expected to be an unwilling participant in McKay's feminine problems, but being the work mate closest by, he had to listen to the deluge of whining, moaning and general cursing of the human condition.

"Who thought bleeding for five days was a bright idea!" McKay stormed past. Radek knew better than to try to tell Rodney to keep it to herself. "What an absolutely brilliant plan. Most things can't bleed for five days without dying."

Radek ground his teeth shut about a reply.

Suddenly, absolutely without warning, Rodney stopped. Radek watched cautiously as her face seemed to contort in an effort to fight an overwhelming emotion. Tears spilled from her eyes.

"I gotta go!"

And with that, Rodney was gone, sprinting from the room leaving Radek dazed. He wasn't sure what just happened, but he knew no good would come of it.  
~*~

"I'm a girl!" she sobbed. "And I can't stop crying!"

Kate Heightmeyer watched Rodney weep, handing over tissue after tissue. She let her spill her woes, which ranged from hating her period to not understanding why her equations for the new power amperes kept failing in simulation.

"It's okay, Rodney," Kate soothed. "It's alright to cry every once and a while."

"I haven't cried since junior high!"

Kate successfully withheld the look of mild astonishment that statement, coming from a full-grown ex-man, brought about in her. "Uh-hm."

"I'm stuck like this!" Rodney went on, sniffling piteously. "My love-life is probably ruined. I don't even know if I want to work the equipment."

"I'm sure there are ladies about who would still find you attractive." Kate said carefully.

"I've seen most of them. There not my type."

Beggars can't be choosers, the little, uncharitable voice inside her head said, but Kate merely handed the distraught woman another tissue. Many women had experienced moodiness from premenstrual syndrome; it was nothing new, but Rodney's level of histrionics was a little disturbing.

It could be that unlike most women, Rodney had never had the luxury and the practice of puberty as a woman to learn how to manage the overload of hormone induced emotions. Or it could be that the stress of the new body was just too overwhelming to be coupled with the hormonal flux. Whatever it was, Kate hope for the sake of all of the inhabitants of Atlantis that this did not become a monthly, recurring ordeal.

"Rodney, I want you to see Carson again."

**Eight weeks and two days**

Her dreams were disturbing, set in her college dorm. She was always late for something, an exam, a class, something. She wasn't sure where the glass elevators came from. They always moved too fast. She pushed through crowds. Girls ignored her, but guys turned their heads to watch her pass. They gave her curious glances. They didn't know what to make of her. There was a borderline hostility in their eyes that made her nervous. However, when she looked at the girls who seemed to look through her as if he was made of glass, she knew she would be utterly alone.

The feeling of loneliness followed her up out of her dream. The emotion was not totally unknown to her, but it was near deafening in its intensity these days. It made her lay awake at night, wondering what would come next.

What did come next? What if this was it and Rodney McKay was forever Rodeanna? Heaven knew she was always looking at that possibility. That was why she had asked Teyla for self-defense lessons. At the time she had fooled herself by saying that the lessons were to help Sheppard feel more comfortable hauling her on missions. No, the truth was that for the first time in her life, Rodney truly felt vulnerable. And as much as she knew she shouldn't think of womanhood in those terms, she couldn't seem to help herself. Threats that had loomed everywhere for him as a man seemed to have doubled in unexplainable ways.

The other women of the mission didn't seem to live in a state of fear, and she had to wonder why. Sure, they were accustomed to their bodies and understood what it was to be a woman, but Rodney was awed by them in the way they seemed to regard the state as a blessing and not a curse. Had she always seen women this way? What a terrible thing? Did all men see women this way?

Rodney brushed the thought aside or she knew she would never get back to sleep. But what did come next? A few weeks ago, Rodney gave into the curiosity and explored her new body. Firm breasts with responsive nipples, but then again, he had always had responsive nipples, trim waist, mostly thanks to Teyla's training, and strangely long legs. She had never figured herself to be a long-legged girl. The face took some getting use to. She figured she was a "get-to-know-you" type of girl.

She had taken the time to explore herself sexually and had found that the body was very sensitive and highly responsive to touch. Erogenous zones existed mostly on the inner thighs and around the breasts.

She had realized that she was in a positively unique situation now. If she really wanted to, she could find out how it feels to be…. Er…. She could have a man….

Rodney's eyes popped open wide. Would she want that, really?

Well, if life continued on in this fashion it might help make her feel a little more secure. So, was this a solution? Lose one's virginity as a woman? Somehow, Rodney doubted it was. Nevertheless, the curiosity remained.

But whom would she get to do something like that? Who would want to? Obviously, whoever it was, it had to be a friend. She would ask, and they would turn her down and no harm done, really. Really?

Ugh!

Okay, she had two clear options, right? Two victims: Zelenka - a man who was probably the closest thing to his intellectual equal on the whole floating city, and Sheppard - what the hell. He gets all the girls anyhow, and he's all right, as guys go.

Too bad Ford was gone. He would have made a nice candidate… at least before the enzyme made him certifiable. Damn. Ronan? No, no, no! That would be a death wish.

Just Damn.

She decided to start tomorrow.

**Eight weeks and three days**

Teyla invited him to spar with Rodney. Of course, he wondered if that was a wise idea. However, Teyla explained that Rodney respected him as a fighter, and Teyla needed to show Rodney that despite her current condition, the techniques they had been working on would be affective in helping her protect herself. John's job was to spar, but go easy on her.

John Sheppard thought he could honestly say that he had see just about everything since he took on this mission to Atlantis, but every day was something new. The first day he saw Rodney McKay in female form, his initial impression was pure shock. His next impression, that he kept very much to himself was, 'nice tits!'

Rodney didn't make a bad looking woman, but Sheppard had seen better. After the initial awkwardness wore down, John decided to deal with Rodney with his usual jovial aplomb. It was better that way. If he made Rodney feel as if everything was still cool between them then why shouldn't everything be cool between them? Certainly, even though the man was in a different wrapper, it was still Rodney McKay, neurotic genius, right?

Okay, the different wrapper made that man not a man… so much. It was still Rodney.

Still Rodney. The woman he faced on the spar circle glared at him with wide set blue eyes. Her lips turned down in an angry pout. This same look that he had seen on the male McKay had never suited him. It worked better on the petulant woman.

"I'm suppose to take him down?" she whined angrily at Teyla.

"You can do this, Dr. McKay," Teyla replied in her best encouraging voice. It was one of the many traits she possessed that made her an effective leader. "Trust yourself. Trust your training. Momentum is the key."

As much as Teyla used encouragements to motivate, John fell back on a tried and true method with the reluctant McKay.

"That's okay, Teyla. I wasn't much into playing a game of crouching tiger, hidden chicken."

McKay bristled. Sure she looked like a woman, but she still reacted like the petty, egotistical man she had been.

"I am not a chicken. I'm just assessing if I'm ready to move up to this level. It is a valid concern."

"Bock-bock-bock!" John clucked at the woman in plain mockery.

"Please, Colonel," Teyla called for a cessation of hostilities with a small smile and a calm voice. "Dr. McKay, I would not have asked the Colonel here if I did not believe you were ready for this. He will not be countering. He will only initiate attack and you will defend. That is all you need to do."

She eyed John suspiciously. Trust McKay to expect the worst, but she didn't object. She nodded.

"Okay," Teyla smiled with a small sigh of relief. "The Colonel will come at you in attack. Use his momentum against him, like I showed you."

John came at the woman, lunging forward, certainly not at his fastest. She tried. John could tell she was honestly trying. She pushed her hip into John, gripping his arm and pulling him forward. She shifted them both and tried to roll him off her hip. John knew the throw. In Judo, it was called Uki-goshi. It was a basic throw that relied mostly on the opponent's momentum. It should have worked. It didn't.

They both went down, John landing squarely on Rodney.

"OW! Get off me, you big oaf! You did it all wrong," she snarled from beneath him. John had to laugh. Just like Rodney to put the blame somewhere else. As he picked himself up off of the woman, he did note just how incredibly wrong the whole situation felt. This was Rodney? The creature beneath him felt nothing like the bulk of man that had been Rodney McKay.

"Rodney, I'd like to know how you can be a physicist and not be able to get some of the most basic laws of physics to work for you?" John extended a hand to help Rodney off the floor.

"That is all right, Dr. McKay," Teyla soothed. "Your form was sound. You hesitated on the follow through and wound up supporting your opponent's weight. You must use the momentum to make the throw. You cannot rely on upper body strength. It is a habit for men to do so."

"It is?" John looked over at Teyla.

"Yes, it is," she replied to him. "Women do not have that luxury. But we have something that counters that."

"What?" Both John and Rodney asked together.

"A lower center of gravity, and the intelligence to use it."

**Eight weeks and three days and ten hours**

Rodney was sore, but she knew she was going to be far worse tomorrow. She stood before the mirror of her bathroom, brushing her teeth. After a full hour of physical abuse and merciless goading, Rodney was done like a ham on Christmas day. Stick a fork in.

"Not John Sheppard. Nope," she muttered around her toothbrush.

That left Zelenka.

**Eight weeks and four days **

Radek Zelenka had an idea. That was not unusual. He had lots of ideas, some brilliant and some so-so. He could always tell the brilliant from the so-so; that was the nature of genius. He had taken the time to see exactly what made up the Wraith matrix sets. There were a few different types, but there was a basic setting for the transport. The basic setting just picked up, stored and then rematerialized in the form first recognized.

It was a long shot, but maybe, just maybe they could fool that setting into believing that the Rodney it held in storage was a Rodney of his former DNA mark up. They all had DNA on file in the med-labs. Then, when Rodney rematerialized, he'd be a man?

Maybe not. There was no way of knowing how the matrix worked that Rodney was so physically different. It was one thing to shift his DNA around. It was another thing to give him secondary sex characteristics. Radek shuddered to think what kind of mutant Rodney McKay could possibly step out of the transporter beam.

Should he mention this idea to Rodney? Ne, ne, not yet. They had bigger problems anyhow. The last power up nearly fused a few circuits. Repairs were going slow. Rodney was at her usual frustration levels but was working quietly… for once.

Radek looked over at the woman, bent over the large alien motherboard, carefully pulling circuits. She stopped to adjust her grounding strip and pull down at her shirt. She had had to get clothing that fit her better in those first few days. The first bit of "TMI" she had hit Radek with was a whine about how her brassiere was pinching her. She had nicely full breasts.

But Radek wasn't a breast man. He liked legs, and Rodney's legs went on forever. But never mind that. He wouldn't do Rodney McKay even if some one paid him a king's ransom and duct taped her mouth shut.  
~*~

Well that experience with Zelenka was both uncomfortable and humiliating. Fortunately Zelenka was circumspect enough to promise secrecy or otherwise Rodney would have had to add scandalous to the list of adjectives she could attach to the ordeal.

Back to plan A? Sheppard?

Maybe? Maybe not.

Damn, she had another appointment with Beckett per-Kate Heightmeyer's instructions.

**Eight weeks and four days and eight hours**

"Normally, I'd put you on norethindrone or norgestimate with ethinyl estradiol," Carson said. He turned to meet Rodney's puzzled frown. "That's 'the Pill.' But there is something going on in your endocrine system that is puzzlin' us. Your pituitary is releasing LHS but something isn't right."

"That's comforting," she said with an eye roll.

"Not ta worry, love," Carson said then flinched. "Sorry, Rodney."

But Rodney was not offering her usual icy stare. She was looking down with a profound, thoughtful look. Before he could ask her what she was contemplating, Carson noticed one fat tear drop leak from her eye.

Carson knew that Rodney's hormones were probably playing havoc on the woman's state of mind so the silent tears didn't surprise him. This whole 'crazy emotion' thing was probably next to unbearable for the proud Dr. McKay. Carson waited patiently. The pelvic exam was next and he wanted to make sure Rodney had herself under control before he began.

Normally Carson would have handed a pelvic exam off to a nurse practitioner, but Rodney was a very special case. He wanted to make sure everything, at least in the beginning, was handled by him. Later, if this condition continued, he would hand over the routine stuff to the rest of his staff.

Rodney sniffed loudly and wiped her eyes with one hand. Her mouth pinched in determination. "Sorry."

Carson smiled kindly. "Up on the table and put yer feet in the stirrups." He then motioned beyond the curtain to call forward the nurse who would be present for the exam.

When Rodney saw Carson's shift nurse, Lisa, peek round the exam curtain, Rodney's first reaction was to blush in modesty and pull her legs up from the stirrups.

"Hi." Lisa smiled as she stepped forward.

"Is she going to be here for this?" Rodney's voice squeaked.

"It's standard procedure for a pelvic exam," Carson explained.

"Ah," Rodney's blush deepened. "I'd rather it wasn't."

"Rodney," Carson looked from Lisa who looked slightly nonplus, to Rodney who looked next to indignant.

"Spare me what little dignity I have left," Rodney said.

"But it's proper for a woman…"

"I'm not a real woman, Carson!"

Carson thought about it. Habits of a lifetime are hard to break. Rodney was not a real woman; therefore a woman's presence in an intimate exam may make him feel uncomfortable. "Go on then, Lisa, and thank ye."

The nurse left without another word, and Rodney replaced her feet into the stirrups.

Carson sat down on the exam stool while positioning his headlamp before he pulled on his latex gloves. "Scoot down."  
~*~

She hoped she was not visibly panting. From the first moment Carson's gloved fingers gently parted her thighs, touching all those erogenous zones she had discovered about her new body; the tingle had raced through her. It was a delicious tingle, not unlike the hungry, horny tingle she had felt as a man.

Carson spoke softly to her the whole time, just light conversation, probably meant to soothe. Rodney found herself too breathless to respond with more than a 'Mm-hm' or 'Uh-uh.'

Fingers tenderly parted her labia, and Rodney bit her lip to hold back the sigh, but a tremble moved through his body that she could not control. She prayed Carson hadn't noticed. Her face was hot.

One finger, slightly cold with lubricant, slowly eased inside. "Easy there, love. Just need to check the equipment." Carson said absently as his other hand palpated Rodney's lower stomach.

"Ouch." It hurt a little and Rodney couldn't help the slight exclamation.

"Sorry," Carson said with a sympathetic smile. "All done there. I'll need to do a pap smear. It'll hurt."

"Just get on with it." Rodney swallowed hard.

"Right then."

Rodney lay back, closing her eyes, listing to Carson bang around on an equipment tray. There was some silence and finally Rodney heard Carson's exam stool roll back in place between her legs.

It was about now that Rodney began to worry about smell. The entire ordeal had set off a whole series of nervous reactions in her, the least of which was sweating, but the wetness was not confined to just her armpits. He was feeling a bit moist between the legs, and she was certain it wasn't all sweat. Rodney eyes popped open in small spout of panic.

If Carson smelled anything, he didn't let on. Instead he just rolled close again and looked up from between Rodney's legs.

"Try to relax yourself as best as ye can."

The metal was cold. That was the first impression. The next impression was: Ow ow owowowowowow! Stretched like a Christmas goose. But Carson was soothing and encouraging, promising it would be over soon. A small scrape and then the metal speculum was collapsed and gently eased out.

"There," Carson said. "Now hold still. There is a little bleeding."

"Bleeding?"

"I just tore your hymen a wee bit. It'll heal." Carson dabbed at smarting flesh with a cool antiseptic pad.

"Another first," Rodney sighed, wretchedly. "Cherry popped."

"Don't be so melodramatic." Carson smiled. He patted Rodney's knee kindly as he rose from his seat. "All done."

Rodney pulled her knees up to herself, a pose she hadn't taken since she was a child. He hated how her emotions were hijacking her life. She knew other women were not like this, or if they were, they had a really great handle on the situation. Rodney startled when Carson sat on the exam table next to him.

"What is it?"

"I wish you could give me something… anything!" Rodney pleaded. "This is horrible Carson."

"I have a theory about that," Carson stated carefully. Rodney watched his eyes, understanding that Carson must have felt as if he was traveling through a field of land mines with her. "You are a very sensitive person, Rodney, even before the accident. Men and women's bodies react differently to certain types of stimuli. We always accuse women of being too emotional. That really isn't the case. Frustration and upset release different kinds of hormones in us.

"Now women, most have had plenty of practice since puberty to get past how these chemical changes affect them. Men, we don't have much ta worry ourselves about. We get mad. We get a wee bit red-faced and move on. Women have ta fight a deluge of nasty hormonal signals sometimes to move on. Ye've had no practice at that, Rodney."

Rodney sat back with a sigh, covering her face with her hands.

"Will you have sex with me, Carson?" The words, muffled beneath her closed hands, even shocked her.

"I beg your pardon?"

Oh well, in for a penny, in for a pound. She took her hands down from her face and looked Carson squarely in his shocked, round eyes.

"Please, will you have sex with me?" Rodney said on the end of a tired sigh. She then rested her head on her hand, half-hiding from Carson's reaction.

There was silence in the exam cubical. Finally, "That was outta the blue."

"I know," Rodney murmured a little contritely.

"What brought this on?" Carson's tone of voice, although no longer registering complete shock, made Rodney look up again.

There was curiosity in Carson's expression, but not the abject abhorrence that she had seen earlier in Zelenka's.

"I'm stuck," Rodney began, her arms flopping gracelessly to his sides to illustrate the completeness of her predicament. "I've got nothing to look forward to but being a sorry looking girl forever. I was hoping that at least I wouldn't have to be a sorry looking old virgin on top of that.

"I'll understand if you say no. Just don't tell me why."

"Rodney…"

"Shush," Rodney interrupted him with a stern frown. She didn't want to hear the 'no' just yet. "I've got a better idea. If you want to help me, show up tonight after 1830 hours on the west port observation deck. If you don't, I'll know at about 1900 hours when you still aren't there."

"Okay." Carson nodded simply. He looked Rodney in the eye with a serious yet kind expression.

That had to be a no.


	2. Eight weeks and four days at 1835 hours

**Eight weeks and four days at 1835 hours**

Rodney startled and nearly let out a yelp when the harbor side doors slid open. Carson was wearing a different shirt from the one he wore that afternoon. He looked showered and freshly shaved. He was carrying a bottle of wine. Rodney wondered if Carson had that bottle on ready for just such occasions. She had to admit, it added a nice touch to it all. Carson was definitely saying yes.

Rodney still felt it was her duty to give Carson every chance to back out. But as Carson stepped close to Rodney, taking that one last little half step that placed him in her personal space, Rodney found is hard to breathe right for a second or two. She parted dry lips, wetting them absently and looked up into Carson's intense eyes.

"I…" Rodney really wasn't sure what to say. She thought about just saying thank you but felt that maybe it was a bit too soon for thanks. She took a deep breath to try again and noticed that Carson smelled absolutely delicious.

"What's that after shave?" she whispered.

"Ye like it? It's some Ralph Lauren fancy splash me mum bought me a while back. It cost her quite a penny. I figured I should use it for something besides a bookend." Carson smiled, and his smile in the light of the sunset was as glorious as anything Rodney had ever known. She had always thought Carson had had a very nice smile, but his smile at that time, in that place, was probably the most beautiful sight Rodney could remember witnessing.

"So, you're here," Rodney said, trying to get control back over her voice.

"Aye, I am."

"Okay," Rodney stuck out her chin defiantly, but then felt flustered as Carson's eyes twinkled in delight.

"What!?"

"Nothing, Rodney." He grinned.

"Um… I was thinking…"

"Why don't we go some place a wee bit more private?" Carson interrupted gently.

"Good idea," Rodney said, as she looked about them in sudden paranoia. "Lord know what people would say if they saw us out here like this!"

Carson chuckled softly. "That wasna what I had in mind, Love, but as ye wish."

He called her love again, but this time it didn't seem to matter. They were about to do the deed anyway. What were a few endearments between friends, and, after all, Rodney knew it was a habit for Carson.

They walked back to Rodney's quarters in silence. They passed no one. They didn't touch. They, in fact, looked more like two people heading for a rather boring lecture of staff meeting than two colleagues about to engage in intercourse.

Once the door to Rodney's suite shut behind them, she turned to Carson.

"Look, I'm sorry, Carson. This is really embarrassing for me."

"Do ya not wanta do it then?" Carson asked her gently.

"Um… I… do… I…"

"Shall I pour the wine?" Carson stepped over to Rodney's small utility table. "Do ya have glasses?"

"Not wine glasses. Just plastic tumblers." Rodney turned to watch Carson as he pulled a small, personal corkscrew from his pocket.

"They'll have ta do."

Rodney picked up the cue and went to retrieve the red plastic tumblers that she kept on hand. Fortunately, most of them were somewhat clean. She brought the two cleanest over while Carson liberated the cork from the bottle. As Carson poured her a glass, Rodney contemplated why it was probably a very wise idea that Carson brought wine. Rodney couldn't remember a time that she was more nervous in her life… except maybe his first time as a man.

College entrance exams had been nothing. Master's thesis had been like a walk in the park. Dissertation defense had almost been as enjoyable as being on his own personal episode of Jeopardy. This? Sex? As a man, it had been the great social enigma. He had wanted it but he had been afraid of it at the same time. He had attempted to get the basic standard variety and let go of any fantasies on fancier or more perilous variations. When he had finally succeeded, he had bumbled through the exercise much to his disappointment. He tried not to look back on it too much. All Rodney could remember was the disgruntled look on the girl's face after he came in less than four thrusts.

Carson handed her a tumbler with about ten ounces of wine. Rodney didn't even hesitate. She threw it back as quickly as she could. It was down in seven swallows. She pushed the cup back at Carson.

"Careful," Carson cautioned, with a frown.

"I thought it would loosen me up a bit."

"Yes, but too much will just make ye sick, ye know." Carson took the cups and put them aside with the bottle.

"I'm not a child, Carson." Rodney sighed in irritation.

"I know," Carson's sudden approach took Rodney off guard. Before she realized what had happened, she had been swept up into Carson's embrace and was being kissed soundly.

The first shock of it gave way to a resigned acceptance. It was only polite of Carson to try and make it seem romantic. Maybe it was a way for him to fool himself as well. Maybe he needed to forget he was about to have sex with a colleague that had been a man less than three months ago. Whatever it was for, Rodney found, once she gave into the kiss, it was undeniably pleasant.

This was what Teyla had meant when she had told her that a man's strength centers in his chest. Carson swept Rodney easily off balance until she was literally supported by the strength of his arms. Her center of gravity was seriously compromised and it made Carson seem powerful in a strangely compelling way. It almost felt thrilling. The problem that stopped it from being a totally primal experience was the fact that Rodney was still waiting for it all to fall apart.

Carson's lips opened hers. Carson's tongue slipped in, an insistent intruder that Rodney felt compelled to receive. Now the kiss totally pulled Rodney away from her cares. There was nothing but Carson and her and this night.

It took her a few seconds to realize that Carson was loosening her clothes. He had pulled her shirt free from her pants and had carefully inserted a hand just beneath the shirttail at the small of Rodney's back. Carson's thumb was moving in very small, very slow caress that was so intimate in its tenderness that the initial sparks of sexual excitement were ignited. Rodney hadn't even known she had this erogenous zone.

Carson pulled her closer. Rodney's chest was pressed to Carson's. She let her hands slip about his shoulders to hold on. One of her thighs slipped between Carson's legs. That was when she felt the warm hardness that Carson pressed against her thigh.

He wants me? The idea was almost too astonishing for Rodney to grasp and she almost lost a hold on the electric threads of desire that was pulsing through her body. Carson's mouth gently moved down, tracing a line of desirous, wet kisses that went from Rodney's jaw to a sensitive spot just near her pulse point. Rodney gasped as the sweet, insistent kisses drew a shiver from her.

The hand that skimmed tenderly against the small of her back began to slowly move upward. Its brush and tickle against Rodney's skin made the tingling ache of desire pound a heavy fast beat between her thighs. So this was why women valued foreplay so much!

Good God, it felt absolutely delicious. For a man, foreplay was fine but could not compare to out and out sex. However, this tingling excitement that took her over from head to toe, making her breath ragged and her pulse race was far more enticing than the foreplay she remembered as a man. If kept in such a state of full arousal, she knew that in sheer moments she would follow Carson anywhere, to the bed or to the ends of the universe.

This was what it was like to be utterly senseless with desire. Her body was so attuned to what Carson was doing to her, that she no longer noticed the little things that had been irritating her all day. The soreness from physical conditioning, the scratchiness of the new bra, the ache of her feet in the half broken-in shoes, all slipped away to nothing.

Carson's shoulders felt firm and strong beneath her smaller hands. She was partially aware that little soft half-moans were escaping on her passion-labored breaths. After a moment, Carson stopped to look into her eyes.

"Are ye alright, Love?" he asked gently. Rodney could only nod in dazed assent.

With a brief tender nuzzle he released her partially, but it was only so he could lift the shirt from over Rodney's head. Rodney did not refuse the action. The shirt was tossed aside, and Rodney found herself gathered back into Carson's arms, his kisses now trailing lower.

When Carson touched the erogenous zone of Rodney's breasts, it was like his whole body was being consumed in a flash flame of desire. Wow, foreplay was great! The bra cup was pushed aside and Carson's lips found a nipple. Now, Rodney was openly moaning her desire out. Who the hell cared when the pleasure was this good? Rodney sure didn't, and she didn't hesitate to allow herself be led to the bed.

On the bed, Rodney lost track of time and events. When did the bra come off? She was never sure later. She sort of saw Carson take off his own shirt. It didn't matter, for when Carson scooped her up in his arms, holding her to himself, skin to skin, Rodney decided not try and keep track anymore.

His kisses were incredible and his presence filled Rodney's senses like no lover ever had before, even as a man. Rodney was surrounded by the smell, taste and feel of the man, solid, warm and pleasant.

"Are ye sure yer all right then?" Carson murmured tenderly against Rodney's ear.

"Uh-huh." Rodney nodded as well.

"Yer trembling."

"I hadn't noticed," Rodney squeaked out softly.

"Are ye cold at all?"

"No… on the contrary…" Rodney chuckled.

Carson rose up a bit to look down on her. Rodney was struck by the gentleness in his eyes. He tenderly brushed back Rodney's still short hair, and Rodney knew she had made the correct choice. This was what she had had in mind when she had decided to move forward and lose her female virginity.

The flame of desire cooled only a bit during the slight break, but it was actively being augmented at the same time with the tender feelings that Carson was invoking in her with his words and his touch. Rodney reached up to pull Carson back down on top of her, drawing him into an enthusiastic kiss. Rodney felt a small surge of triumph when she heard and felt Carson moan into their kiss.

Mine! Rodney crowed inside herself. Perhaps it was just her competitive nature, but it felt good being able to make Carson react in kind. Even in that foreign shell that was becoming home more and more every day, Rodney felt the need to show Carson that she knew how to pleasure, too. But in reality, she didn't, or couldn't. Part of her was paralyzed by the pleasure she was receiving. The other part of her was embarrassed by lack of experience.

"Easy, Love," Carson whispered against her cheek before he began trailing kisses down her body once more. This time, Carson only spent a short amount of time and attention to her breasts and nipples. He continued downward.

When Carson finally opened Rodney's pants and eased the waistband of both pants and underwear down, all Rodney could think was, now we're getting somewhere! She would have thought to be nervous, but the excitement overrode the anxiety far too well.

This time Carson's fingers were not covered by latex gloves as they gently parted her thighs. Rodney was trembling in pure delight when warm breath touched intimate flesh. The electric flash of pleasure nearly made her jump off the bed when Carson's hot, wet tongue made contact. Rodney's back arched as muscle contracted in extreme, heightened pleasure, and she cried out loud.

Who knew? This was cunnilingus? And Carson did it so well. He was a demon and an angel all at the same time, teasing, torturing and titillating. Rodney couldn't form sentences any longer.

"Ah! Yes! Please! Ah!" Vocabulary was overrated anyway.

She really wasn't sure what Carson was doing. All Rodney knew was that it involved his tongue, his lips and a little bit of his teeth. His hands were busy doing very nice things too that ranged between stroking Rodney's inner thighs to gently fingering the hypersensitive skin of Rodney's labia, and the opening of her vagina.

Multiple orgasms? Rodney had heard women were capable of it. At that moment, Rodney felt as if her head could explode from the sheer force of the pleasure. It was almost too much.

"Carson… Carson…" she panted.

"Mm…Yes, Love?" Carson didn't come up from between her legs but merely stopped the oral assault to nuzzle his face against her pubis. Even that felt like pure, undiluted heaven.

Rodney was at a loss. How did she tell Carson that he was killing her with pleasure? Just what did she say? She could beg for the next level, intercourse.

Was that what foreplay was for?

Rodney looked down at Carson and he looked up at her. Their eyes met and Rodney knew that the message was received.

Rodney, as a man, was very attuned to what an awkward moment preparing for intercourse could be. There was the stripping of clothing, the putting on of the condom, but as she experienced it from the female point of view, it seemed less awkward and more rushed and exciting. She actually watched Carson carefully roll a condom into place with a pleasant sensation of anticipatory lust that practically made her mouth water.

Carson moved up her body, settling carefully on top of her. "Are ye ready, Love?"

She almost snarled at him, telling him to stop talking and get on with it, but her voice stuck in her throat as she felt the heavy blunt end of Carson's penis touch the flesh at the entrance of her body. She remembered the speculum at the pelvic exam. Rodney only nodded again.

Carson was careful, Rodney could tell, but it still hurt like a son-of-a-bitch. Rodney grunted heavily through the pain the first five or six strokes caused. All that lovely pleasure from the foreplay was lost but not forgotten, and Rodney's hips began a careful, shallow counter thrust in search of some sort of recourse of contact.

The pain lessened but never completely went away. Now there was an incredible feeling of being stretched and filled. Carson was inside her. From the look on his face, he was getting lost in the pleasure. That alone was a small pleasure for Rodney, and she found herself stroking his cheek tenderly, watching the play of sweet emotion on his brow.

His hips bucked once too hard and Rodney bit his lip to stop a cry of pain. Carson must have been holding himself in check, but barely. Rodney nuzzled the side of Carson's face. Carson turned his lips to hers. Soon they were lost in another sweet and deep kiss. That little thing, that one kiss as their bodies met in coitus, filled Rodney's heart like nothing else in this universe had. This was bliss.

Rodney knew it was hard for Carson to keep it under control. With a strange wordless communication that was based solely on touches and deep, affectionate glances, she made it clear that Carson was free to take his pleasure. She braced herself as Carson's control slipped and he pushed into her in a near animalistic frenzy. Carson stiffened when climax overcame him and Rodney watched him, amused by the 'fuck-face' that Carson wore. It was the least flattering thing every human did while in the throws of passion, but it was oh so endearing.

After a moment in which Carson trembled on top of her, his breath labored, his sweat slick between them, he raised up, slipping free from Rodney. That stung unexpectedly and Rodney hissed.

"Hush," Carson murmured, touching her face in a tender caress. He was up and in Rodney's bathroom before Rodney could say a word. Moments later, he was back with a wet, warm wash cloth. The condom was discarded and Carson's penis was now flaccid. Rodney looked the man's body over in interest, even as he spread her thighs once more. This time, however, it was only to tend to Rodney's now thoroughly broken hymen. Carson's touch was as tender as possible, but it still stung. Rodney watched as the doctor worked silently over her with a gentleness that she knew was not part of his usual bedside manner.

After a bit longer, Carson came up on the bed, stretching out next to Rodney.

"Are ye all right?"

"Stop asking me that," Rodney countered, but then replied softly, "I'm fine."

Carson's hand stroked her hair. Rodney closed her eyes.

**Eight weeks and five days at 0205 hours**

Carson was one of those men that if he woke in a bed with a warm body next to him that had been willing earlier, he would immediately find himself with a full on stiffy. This time was no exception. But as he looked over at the sleeping Rodney McKay, still adorable in her slack-jawed slumber, he knew he wouldn't wake her for the nookie reprisal. Enough for tonight.

In fact, Carson thought it would be best if he just left. Lord only knew what he would awake to. If Rodney was going to regret in the cold light of day, Carson didn't really want to be in the line of fire. It would be better this way, less awkward. And if Rodney wanted more, she would tell him. She got the balls up to ask him the first time. The second time should be fairly cake.

Carson knew he would be lying if he said that he wouldn't have it again. Certainly, he had enjoyed his evening with Rodney. Rodney had a body built for shagging and a mouth that looked as if it could do a good turn at a decent gammy. Maybe, just maybe, if she ever felt ready for it, Carson would teach her up right.

Carson smiled when he thought of his own audacity. Sure, Rodney-the-girl had been a virgin, but Rodney McKay would never allow anyone to 'teach her up right.'

He brushed Rodney's cheek tenderly with the back of his hand before he rose to look for his pants and shirt.

**Eight weeks and five days at 0700 hours**

Waking up alone was a bit of a disappointment, but Rodney couldn't blame Carson. He did what she had asked of him. He had done a fairly impressive job of it, but he hadn't signed on for more. Staying was something lovers did, wasn't it?

Rodney felt a little stiff and sore that morning and he knew it was not from Teyla's conditioning. Looking down her body, she noticed the blood smear on the sheets beneath her left thigh. Well, it was done.

Pulling her knees to her chest, Rodney sat on her bed contemplating the previous night. Then, for no reason she could be sure of, she dropped her face to her knees and wept.

**Eight weeks and five days at 0930 hours**

Carson called Elizabeth as soon as the lab techs and other staff physicians had confirmed what he had feared upon looking at the accumulative results. Elizabeth met him alone in her office.

"We have to get Rodney back to his male form," Carson said emphatically.

"What is it?" Elizabeth's brow constricted in a frown that Carson correctly read as concern.

"It took us this long to see it because it had been building up over time, but Rodney's pituitary gland isn't adjusting to the change as it should. It's what's been causin' the wonky moods and cryin'. The glands hormonal cycling is completely off kilter and the problem is getting worse."

"So he's in a state of permanent, crazy PMS?" Elizabeth asked in all seriousness. "Can't that be treated with hormone therapy?"

"Not this, Elizabeth." Carson shook his head. "It's not like killin' a thyroid or performing a hysterectomy. The hypophysis is malfunctioning on all fronts, far worse than if there had been a tumor or head trauma. The pituitary gland via hormone secretion directly affects the thyroid, adrenals, ovaries, kidneys and also exerts a definite influence on just about every major organ in the body.

"It may not kill him right away, but the organ damage that this is causin' him will give him only two or three years tops."

Elizabeth sat back in her chair. A look of deep distress crossed her features for only the briefest of moments. "Amazing that the Wraith use this technology if such a side effect is possible."

"The Wraith hold humans in partial stasis storage. The storage cocoons effectively slow down the damage until the human has served his or her purpose."

"Then they feed on them," Elizabeth concluded. Carson nodded in agreement.

Elizabeth swallowed, she was clearly as concerned as Carson felt. "Considering Rodney's current state of mind, we had better call in Zelenka."

**Eight weeks and five days at 1030 hours**

Radek just knew they couldn't keep Rodney out of his way. Why did they even promise?

"Why didn't you tell me!" Rodney's voice was a near hysterical shriek. She was definitely getting worse.

"Because, at the time we were still dealing with the bigger problem of the power verses the mother board. Rodney, if I can't get the matrix to bring up the proper form, all will be for naught!"

"If the matrix was also responsible for scrambling my DNA, why shouldn't it reverse the process once the proper DNA is introduced?" she was still shouting. Her face was getting red. She was practically panting.

"There is still the problem of rematerialization. You may come out with the proper DNA, but still be fully in the body of a woman. That could be disastrous."

"It's simple!" she was breathing harder by the minute. "Just power into the matrix, find the adjustment that makes boys into… into… girls…. Reverse… polarity…." She stopped putting her hands to either side of her head, squeezing. "Ow!"

Radek called Beckett without delay.  
~*~

She woke up in the hospital feeling groggy and disorientated.

"Rodney." Carson's voice was so gentle it nearly brought tears to her eyes. Rodney turned her head to look at him.

"Ye gotta slow down. Ye blood pressure went dangerously high. You coulda had a stroke."

"The machine…"

"Radek's got it under control," Carson said, brushing his fingertips across Rodney's brow as if to soothe the tension there. "He told me to tell you, he understood what you were tryin' to tell him, and his gettin' to it right now."

"He needs my help," Rodney knew Carson wouldn't let her up from the bed, but it was worth a shot.

"Nay, Love," Carson's fingers brushed softly across her lips. "Stay put."

They were silent, gazing at each other for a long time. Rodney wondered what Carson saw when he looked at her. Was that regret in his eyes? Was it sadness? Was it for what could have been or for what had been?

It didn't matter. It was over now. Either Rodney was going to be back to his old male self or she would die of her own body's rebelling endocrine system tearing her to pieces. Or maybe, even better yet, the Wraith beam would just kill her.

That would be for the best.

**Eight weeks and six days**

Once Radek grasped what Rodney had been trying to say, he could have kicked himself for his own obtuseness. They knew what setting the matrix had been at to change Rodney. That much they had carefully noted. If he could get in to revise the DNA data set then he should also be able to reverse the polarity, essentially asking the matrix to undo the change. It wasn't easy, but after twenty straight hours of work, Radek and the team of engineers he had picked to help were ready to test the beam's effectiveness.

"We need a mouse," Louis Hyde a particle physicist and engineer said.

"Ugh!" exclaimed Radda Habim. "Must we?"

Radek didn't have time for the ethical debate. A man's life hung in the balance. While his small staff argued over whether or not an animal should feel honored to give its life to science, Radek calmly and quietly called down to the bio labs to see what they had in stock.

**Nine weeks**

"And it worked on a mouse?" Col Sheppard looked skeptical.

Radek shrugged, looking hesitant. "It sort of worked."

"What does that mean?" Elizabeth asked firmly.

Radek so disliked explaining things, which is why he was no good as a teacher. He had turned down every professorship ever offered him. "The mouse did not survive. But the matrix did reverse."

"The mouse didn't survive?" Elizabeth glared.

"That just may be that the matrix was built to accommodate a primate. Mice are not primates," Radek explained.

"I can't okay this, if we can't get it to work safely, Radek."

"And we may never know if it is safe," Radek rejoined.

Elizabeth looked at Carson Beckett. "Can we at least slow down the damage happening now? Maybe buy a little time?"

Carson sighed heavily. "This is like aina degenerative disease, Elizabeth. It gets worse the longer it is allowed to go unchecked. I could treat her with certain hormone blockers, but it will only help some of the symptoms. It won't stop the damage."

"Great," Sheppard said grimly. "However we decide, it'll be kill him quick or kill him slow."

"I'd rather we didn't kill him at all." Elizabeth muttered.

The sliding ornate panels to the conference room opened up. The solitary figure that walked in wore hospital pajamas and a pale blue robe. Rodney McKay seemed shorter as a woman, she certainly seemed much smaller. Radek looked at the pale face with wide set eyes ringed by sleeplessness and worry. Radek felt a strange moment of brotherly pride when Rodney lifted her chin imperiously and looked about the room.

"Making decisions about me without me?"

"We thought it best, Rodney," Elizabeth said plainly. "Considering your condition."

Rodney swallowed but did not look thwarted. "I understand that I haven't been on my game, as it were. I accept that my judgment may be impaired by my current condition. Nevertheless, I think that it should be my right to at least be present while decisions are being made about my fate."

She spoke so calmly and seemed so dignified that Radek felt the brotherly pride swell. Radek motioned for Rodney to take the chair next to him. Rodney nodded gratefully to him and walked sedately to the seat. Once she was settled, the debate continued.  
~*~

It had been Rodney, in the end, who had made the final winning argument.

"If I'm going to die, I'd like to die trying to be cured instead of dying slowly, without hope."

It was a compelling argument, and both Sheppard and Radek had agreed. Carson and Elizabeth had been more hesitant, but gave in to the victim's wishes.

It wasn't easy watching the sullen girl march over to the grounding board while Radek started the process that powered up the Wraith machine in slow, steady increments. No one was prepared as history repeated itself and Rodney lifted one finger to pause the process. She stepped out of the target field and walked up the Dr. Beckett. For a moment they stared at each other. Then suddenly, as if on some hidden cue, the two grasped each other in a fierce embrace and kissed.

The last time Radek had seen Rodney kiss Dr. Beckett, Rodney had been a man, and Beckett had not reciprocated. For some reason, this time the kiss was more intense and emotional, and therefore, more shocking to have witnessed. Radek closed his gaping mouth and looked around at the other shocked faces present. There were plenty of them.

The surreal moment of déjà vu ended, and Rodney stepped back in the line of sight for the beam. She nodded a solemn 'okay' to Radek. Her back was straight; her face was set. There was no looking back. Radek initialized the beam.

Flash and ozone and she was gone, into the matrix where hopefully all could be set to rights. Radek had spent the better part of the morning double checking everything from the matrix reset to the DNA replacement. It should work. It really should. Radek reversed the beam.

The individual that appeared and collapsed on the floor looked tremendously like the male Rodney McKay. Radek bit his lip around an exclamation of success as Dr. Beckett and Col. Sheppard rushed forward to the still figure.

"His heart has stopped," Dr. Beckett looked up and motioned to the two medical personnel that had accompanied them to the engineering lab. They brought forward an emergency medical kit. Radek watched in dumbfounded silence as the medical personnel worked stoically over Rodney.

At last, Dr. Beckett brought out the defibrillation paddles.

"Come on ye stubborn toerag!"

Radek had never heard the doctor use such language before. He wasn't sure what toerag meant, but he was sure it wasn't nice.

There was a moment of little panic that seemed to last everlong, when Radek felt Rodney's heart would never start again; then it finally happened.

"Got a heartbeat," one of the medics confirmed after listening through his stethoscope.

Radek sighed, his weight falling back to the utility table directly behind him. He was dizzy from holding his breath.

**Weeks later**

He had awaked to normality. At least he was told it was normality. His body was the old familiar male form he so long remembered. He had felt shaky but strong. He had then been informed that all preliminary tests showed his hypophysis was back to acting its normal-male hormonal-level-producing-glandular self.

Elizabeth had visited. John had visited. Teyla had visited. Each of them had conveyed in there own way how glad they were that he was out of danger and on the road to recovery.

Carson had been by his side often, friendly and professional but nothing more…. Except the one time, after checking his blood pressure and ordering an adjustment on some medication, he had patted Rodney's shoulder absently and said: "All done, Love."

Rodney had not corrected him.

He had spent three days in the hospital until they were all satisfied that his DNA was not going to melt into green goo and stain the carpets.

He had then returned to work like a conquering hero. The engineering personnel had applauded his return, but he figured that it had been more a 'pat on the back' to themselves. He had thanked them all accordingly.

Now, it was a whole two weeks later, and life had slipped back into its usual challenging rhythm that can only be expected in a distant galaxy. At first, the pace had kept him from his deeper mental cares. There was no time for dreams when one was so incredibly dog tired when one finally flopped down on one's bed. But it couldn't always stay that way.

There was only so far one could run from oneself.

He could only figure that it was some sort of twisted sense of hope that led him to sit out west port observation deck watching the sunset. He wanted to remember. It was a memory of being wanted, of being cherished, of being loved, and if it hadn't really been love, it had at least been a wonderful facsimile. Rodney knew he would never feel that in his life again.

He didn't know how to thank Carson for that. It was awkward sometimes to even look the man in the eyes. He didn't regret his decision to have sex with Carson that night. It had been an experience that Rodney was certain had enriched his life on many different levels.

He startled and his heart leapt to his throat when the harbor side doors slid open.

He watched the pair of young lovers walk on to the deck hand in hand. The boy, an off-duty MP that Rodney loosely recognized from his shifts in the gate room, held a large wicker picnic basket. A sunset dinner was about to commence.

Rodney offered the pair a stiff smile and a nod as he turned to exit they way they had entered. His time would be better spent reading tonight. Radek had loaned him his last five EURASIP Journals on Embedded Systems.

Back in his quarters, he slipped out of his shoes, noting as per-usual the aroma of his somewhat ripe feet. He smiled to himself. Even as a girl, he had had stinky feet. Some things didn't change with gender, he supposed.

He turned on his reading light over his bed and picked up the first of the five journals. A little light reading, he smiled.

He had only made it past the first peer reviewed articles introduction when his door chime sounded.

"Damn," he muttered. It had better not be one of Dr. Gaylek's minions trying to get him to attend some useless open source UNIX seminar. He could just ignore the chime. It wouldn't have been the first time he had done that. If it were important, they would raise him on the citywide comm.

Yes, they would, but maybe it was Teyla. She had talked to him at length about continuing his physical conditioning. Rodney had found Teyla rather comforting to talk to, possibly more so than Kate Heightmeyer. She had promised to always be available to talk if he needed. Maybe she needed to talk? The door chime sounded again.

Rodney slapped the journal down on the bed and pushed himself to his feet. "I'm coming."

He hit the door release and prepared himself for just about anything. He wasn't prepared enough.

Seeing Carson there at his door was almost like a physical blow that left him speechless. He closed his mouth around whatever useless tripe he had been about to spill before his evening visitor.

"Hello, Rodney." Carson's smile was small and sweet and oh so endearing. Rodney wanted to kiss him right there and then.

Such a silly though. Rodney mentally kicked himself and then returned the smile. "Carson! Come in." His voice sounded only slightly breathless. He moved out of the way as Carson took up the invitation.

"How are ye feelin'?" Carson's first concern was always to Rodney's health and he was starting to get use to it. He bit back a chuckle and replied.

"I feel fine, Carson." He looked the man in the eye in the hopes of being as convincing as possible. It was close to a mistake, for meeting those large, caring eyes was enough to let feelings transfer. It was as if since their copulation, they were somehow un-severably linked through glances.

"Rodney?"

Rodney looked away. He couldn't. He didn't want to face these feelings yet. They were silent for a while. Finally, Rodney heard Carson shift.

"Maybe I should go."

"No!" Rodney was not sure what possessed him to stop Carson. Carson's departure was the surest route out of this duress. Yet, Carson obeyed his hasty request and halted where he was.

"I dinna know if ye might want ta talk about it," Carson said softly.

Rodney smiled to himself. "Yes, yes, I did want to talk about it," he replied just as softly. The realization struck him as the most outlandish cosmic irony ever. He, Rodney McKay wanted to talk about love, but not with some pretty blonde with an IQ over 150. No, he wanted to talk about it with a sturdy, dark-haired Scotsman… with an IQ over 150. Could his life get any more ridiculous?

"Rodney?"

"Please, sit, sit sit," Rodney motioned for Carson to make himself at home in one of the three plush chairs Rodney had stationed in the small suite's main room. Carson obeyed, but Rodney didn't sit with him. Instead, he paced tight circles between Carson and the utility table he used as a kitchenette.

"I guess I owe you an apology," Rodney began. "I really should not have seduced you. It wasn't right of me to do so."

"You didn't know," Carson said, but Rodney held up a hand to silence him.

"Doesn't matter," Rodney stopped and straightened his spine, looking as grave and contrite as he could, and that was a feat considering he was still quite the self-admitted egotist. "I'm sorry, Carson. I lead you into my bed, and I shouldn't have."

"Well, Rodney…"

But Rodney didn't let Carson finish. In fact, he amazed himself that he didn't just stop. "But Carson, that was the most amazing experience of my life. I regret that I may have hurt our friendship by doing it, but I would do it again… and again."

Rodney look directly at Carson. The man sat looking up at him with big, caring eyes. Rodney couldn't stop himself. His voice cracked on the declaration. "I think I love you."

Carson stood and walked slowly to him. He took that last half step into Rodney's personal space.

"I still want you inside me," Rodney whispered.

Carson smiled. His hand came up to run a gentle caress down Rodney's cheek. "Then aren't you the lucky one, Love. Ye have a willin' lad that can accommodate."

When Carson kissed him, Rodney felt his whole body relax and sigh in relief. Carson's kiss tasted right. He smelled right. He felt right. Rodney was surrounded by the smell, taste and feel of the man, solid, warm, pleasant and right.

Somethings didn't change with gender, he supposed.

End

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Het-Slash! You'll never see the like from me again!


End file.
